Socks, Sex and Shadows
Yes, I did say “socks”.....
During my training when I was seeing a therapist, I turned up one afternoon on a very, very hot summer’s day to find my therapist wearing shorts, sandals and no socks. (He did have a shirt on!). The only thing I really remember about that therapy session is my therapist’s feet! He didn’t make any comment, and neither did I. But I just remember his feet. No socks. And nobbly knees.
On another occasion, he was wearing odd socks – one dark blue and one green. Now, he may have been colour-blind, or in a hurry getting dressed, but again – it was the socks that killed the process off!
So – if we don’t talk about socks in a therapy session, how much less are we going to talk about sex?!
We’re not all trained sex therapists, but like it or not, the topic of sex will come into therapy sessions. You will know what you are comfortable with. You will know when there is an inappropriate level of detail, and when there is a balance and relevance for the client’s process.
And it’s important to know when it’s necessary to refer a client (and partner) for sex therapy, and when to address your own issues on the subject.
As with any subject, if it’s what your client needs to talk about and you can’t deal with it yourself, then you are not the therapist for them and you will not serve them by working with them.
But it’s not a subject we can ignore either with our clients or for ourselves. Use your supervisor, your peer group, your personal journal to explore your own beliefs, values, and shadows.....
Because clinical work will bring up shadows. Those issues we can’t or don’t want to face. How can we expect our clients to disclose all when we cannot do that for ourselves?
Clinical and therapeutic work is no place to hide in the shadows. It presses my buttons. It will press yours. It hits my crumple zones. It will hit yours. It reveals those hidden corners of life, our past relationships, our childhood experiences that often we strive so hard to hide.
Clients have a way of holding up a mirror for the therapist, just as much as a therapist can be a “blank screen” for the client. It’s never a one-way process.
Therapists can’t hide in the shadows.
So we need to attend to our own personal development. We need to know and understand ourselves. Our beliefs and values. Our ethics and our boundaries.
The Advanced Certificate in Life Coaching includes a number of exercises in identifying our own personal beliefs, values and ethical viewpoints, and requires students to explore their own personal standpoints and potential areas
of conflict and management.
So next time you step into that therapy room – do look in the mirror first, and check your socks.....
